Mentor’s Corner: When “Unrelated” Memories Are Actually the Most Important
A question that comes up often from my mentees in mentoring sessions sounds like this:
“My client was working on anxiety about work… and then they started talking about something from childhood that looked totally unrelated.
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I was not sure whether to follow it or bring them back to the original issue.”
If you have ever felt that quiet internal pause, the moment where you wonder, “Am I losing the thread?” You are not doing anything wrong.
You are standing at one of the most important crossroads in EFT practice.
The Moment of Doubt Is the Moment of Skill
Early in training, practitioners often learn (implicitly or explicitly) to value coherence:
- stay on topic
- do not wander
- keep the session organized
So when a client says something like:
“This might be silly… it is probably not related… but I just thought of this one time…”
many practitioners feel a subtle urge to redirect.
To help. To tidy. To keep it efficient.
But here is the reframe:
When a memory appears uninvited, it did not arrive by accident.
The Nervous System Does Not Think in Topics
Clients think in topics. Nervous systems do not.
The nervous system organizes experience by:
- emotional charge
- body sensation
- safety vs threat
Not by logic or relevance.
So when a client is tapping on something current: work, a relationship conflict, a physical symptom… the system can surface an earlier memory that carries a similar emotional signature, even if the story looks different on the surface.
That does not mean the session derailed. It means the system is doing what it is designed to do: linking present-day distress to where that signature was first learned.
Why Clients Dismiss the Most Relevant Material
Clients often preface these moments with language like:
- “I do not know why this came up…”
- “It is probably not connected…”
- “This feels random…”
This is not resistance. It is conditioning.
Most people learned to distrust their internal associations unless they make sense intellectually. So when something emerges without a clean narrative bridge, the client can assume it is irrelevant and move to shut it down.
This is where your presence matters more than your technique.
The Practitioner Job Is Not Meaning
One of the quiet shifts that marks practitioner maturity is this:
Moving from interpreting the material to trusting the system that produced it.
You do not need to decide:
- whether the memory is important
- how it connects
- where it will lead
Your role is simpler.
Notice. Slow down. Create enough safety that the client does not abandon their own experience.
Often, the most effective thing you can say is:
“Let us stay with that for a moment.”
“No need to connect it yet.”
“As you notice that memory, what happens in your body?”
No analysis required.
Following Does Not Mean Diving
A common fear from mentees is:
“If I follow it, will we go too deep too fast?”
Not if you stay in protocol.
Following a memory does not mean:
- reliving it
- intensifying it
- forcing meaning
You are still:
- checking SUD
- tapping down intensity
- watching readiness
- prioritizing regulation
You are allowing the system to show where the charge lives, instead of insisting it stay where the story began.
A Simple Orientation to Hold
Here is a guiding principle to return to when uncertainty shows up:
If the nervous system brought it forward, it belongs in the room.
That does not mean you resolve it today. That does not mean it is the root. That does not mean it is the right target yet.
It means the system trusts the container enough to let you see it. That is progress.
Closing Reflection
If you find yourself wondering:
Why did that come up? Does it matter that we started somewhere else?
Ask a different question:
Does the system feel safer right now, or less safe, because I slowed down?
Attunement matters more than certainty.
Clarity does not come from forcing relevance. Clarity comes from staying present long enough for the system to organize itself.
Sometimes, the most “unrelated” memory is simply the one that has been waiting the longest to be heard.
Tags: #InnerPeace #EFT #EFTMentoring #NervousSystem #EFTPractice
Category: Inner Peace (EmoAlchemy Gateway)
