The Rules on Your Money Wall

Yesterday, Gary Craig passed away. The ideas in this article came from him. He’s the reason I learned about EFT. His generosity and enthusiasm opened the door for me, and for so many others. This piece is offered in that spirit.

You know the moment. A client is ready, the conversation feels warm, and then the money question appears. Your stomach drops. Your voice tightens. You offer a discount or you explain the price too much.

That freeze is not random. It is the wall rules speaking.

Inside, two sets of rules run at once. One set keeps you small. One set keeps you afloat. The tension between them is where your pricing lands.

Rules That Keep You Small

• “Good people don’t charge.”
• “If I earn more, I lose my goodness.”
• “People will judge me if I profit.”

Rules That Keep You Afloat

• “I have real needs and real bills.”
• “People value what they pay for.”
• “My work deserves fair exchange.”

Your income settles where these rules can coexist without a fight. The price freeze is a safety contract, not a lack of skill. It’s the nervous system protecting identity, belonging, and emotional safety.

If you’ve tried to “push through,” you already know it doesn’t work for long. Force can get the number out once or twice, but the system snaps back. The body still senses danger. The freeze returns because the underlying rule set has not changed.

The shift starts with a different question: Which rule leads this conversation?

That question moves you out of argument and into choice. It acknowledges the old rule without obeying it. It gives the new rule a seat at the table.

This is a nervous-system practice, not a spreadsheet fix. The moment changes when the body feels safer to choose a different rule.

The Three-Step Arc

Step 1: Name the freeze (not the failure)

The moment is predictable. You can feel it in your body. The throat tightens. The chest constricts. The shoulders rise. This is not weakness. It is a protective signal. The system is saying, “We might lose safety if we say the number.”

Just naming the freeze changes the internal posture. “This is my nervous system protecting me.” That sentence prevents the spiral of shame and puts you back in relationship with yourself.

Step 2: Pick the rule that leads

The wall rules are not facts. They are old agreements. When one rule loses authority, another rule can rise.

Ask, “Which rule do I want to lead this moment?”

That question bypasses the moral debate. It doesn’t require you to banish the old rule. It simply lets the new rule speak first. The system can tolerate change when it doesn’t feel like betrayal.

Step 3: Speak the number from the body

This is where the work becomes embodied.

Before your next price conversation:

1. Put both feet on the floor.
2. Take one breath low in the belly.
3. Name the old rule.
4. Name the new rule.
5. Speak the number.

Each repetition shifts the balance. The wall does not vanish. It updates.

This is the difference between becoming “more confident” and becoming safer. Confidence is a performance. Safety is a state. When the system is safe, the number is simple.

The deeper truth: pricing is not a money problem. It’s an identity problem. The fear is rarely about the client. It’s about what it would mean to be someone who charges fully.

“Who would I be if I earned more?”
“What would they think?”
“Would I still be good?”

Those are wall questions. You can’t answer them with a pricing strategy. You answer them by updating your internal contract.

The update is not dramatic. It’s not a rebrand. It’s a quiet rewrite:

• “I can be kind and be paid.”
• “I can be generous and be boundaried.”
• “I can be safe and be valued.”

These sentences matter because they become rules.

You may notice a strange thing after practicing this: some clients respond better to a clear price. They relax. They trust you more. They don’t feel the need to test your boundaries. That is not because they want you to be expensive. It’s because clarity is calming. The nervous system reads clarity as safety.

This is why undercharging creates resentment. Resentment is the body’s way of saying the internal contract is broken. Your system knows you are giving away something that violates the rule of fair exchange. The resentment is not cruelty. It is information.

So the goal is not to “charge more.” The goal is to charge in a way that matches the new rule you want to live by. The number itself is secondary. The rule is primary.

If you are in the functional-but-frozen place, you do not need to become someone else overnight. You need one new rule that you can live by with your whole body.

Pick the rule. Practice the breath. Speak the number.

Your wall will change. And your income will change because the wall changed first.

Related: The Caretaker’s Map to the Palace of Possibilities